A Dinner Night In

Since Darren and I celebrated our anniversary with a trip to Texas, we didn't take the time to watch our wedding video.  After two weeks of work and an on-call weekend in between, I decided it was time to officially sit down and enjoy the homemade video of our ceremony and pieces of our reception.

Darren had no idea that I was planning this, and I wanted to make it more special than a typical dinner night in, so I did a little research before putting everything together.

First, I had to come up with a main dish that was new and interesting, and not too difficult to make. So, after browsing my "Yum." board on Pinterest, I decided to try my hand at this manicotti recipe: http://www.skinnymom.com/2012/11/23/skinny-manicotti/?_szp=211214

I didn't quite keep it as skinny as she did, though, because I knew Darren would probably want some meat in his pasta, so I added Italian meatballs (chopped up into small pieces) into the spinach mix (how else was I going to get Darren to eat spinach?!). I also wanted to incorporate a few St. Louis-y items into the meal, since we were celebrating not only a year of marriage but also a year of living together in the Lou, so I bought and used some pasta sauce from a famous local Italian neighborhood, The Hill.

I picked out a bottle of red wine (Cabernet Sauvignon) to pair with our pasta dinner, and decided to take a leap of faith on a new winery, Concannon.  To be completely honest, I chose this because it was inexpensive and had our last name within the title.  I was utterly surprised to find it quite delicious, so if you're looking to try something new, I recommend it!

Since we're still in April, my favorite flower (and staple at our wedding), the hydrangea, is in full bloom.  I decided to put together a bouquet of the green and blue blooms to put on our table to help tie in some of the decorations of our wedding with our little celebration.

And, of course there's dessert. I know we had cheesecake on our actual anniversary two weeks ago, but you can't just watch your wedding video (and see you stuff each other's faces with cake), without having something sweet to celebrate with. So, I decided to finally check out one of St. Louis' favorite cupcake bars, Jilly's cupcakes. I picked out a cupcake for each of us (a Reese's themed one for Darren and a caramel turtle one for me), so that when the time came in the video, we would have something to smoosh into our noses.

I also prepared a salad and some bread to go along with the main course, trying to round out the meal.

I rearranged some of the furniture in our living room and scooted the table up towards the TV, so we could enjoy watching the video while we ate our delicious dinner.  It was fun to take the time to set the table and light the candles for just the two of us to enjoy, instead of saving those things for just when guests come over.  It was also neat to think about all of the kind and thoughtful wedding gifts I used while I prepared and served the meal; I still remember who got us what items and enjoyed thinking of the joy it would bring each person to know how I was using the gift they picked out for us.

When Darren got home from work, he was greeted with a warm meal and a planned romantic evening, neither of which happen very often. I sat him down and pressed play, and immediately we were taken back to the day we became husband and wife.

I think both of us took a lot from being able to listen to our minister, Joey's, lesson during our ceremony. Sometimes it's nice to be reminded of what marriage means, what we promised each other, and how we knew it wasn't going to be easy.  It was also great to hear our audience singing "God is Love" and experience that all over again.  And when Joey announced that Darren could now kiss his bride, I got a great big smooch!

When we got to our first dance, Darren and I remembered what we were laughing and whispering about to each other, and he even stood me up and twirled me around a couple of times in our living room!

Over the course of the video, we saw some friends who we haven't since that day -- and it was so lovely to see their love and support again.  We also commented on how many couples who were at our wedding are now married themselves, some of those weddings we were able to attend and some we weren't, but we really enjoyed seeing them interact with each other before they were even husband and wife.

When it came time for the cake cutting, we got our cupcakes ready and successfully smooshed them into each other's faces (even more so than we did on our actual wedding day!).  I realized that, even a year later, I'm still terrible at aiming for Darren's mouth while I am distracted by cake in mine.

Cake faces!

Overall, it was a lovely experience. I encourage each of you who has a wedding video to start a tradition of watching it together. Not only does it help you remind each other of how it felt that day, but also appreciate how far you have come since them. Don't get me wrong, I loved Darren on April 14, 2012, but the love I had for him then is nowhere near as strong or complex as the love I have for him now. I have learned to treasure him for his quirks and strengths I didn't even realize he had, and I have also learned to be patient and understanding in difficulties I didn't know we'd face.

Marriage is a treasure, and I am so glad we took the time to celebrate with a nice little dinner at home.

Our First Anniversary (Whoop!)

Howdy!

As many of you know, Darren and I celebrated our first anniversary last weekend (April 14th).  We decided to take a four day weekend to visit College Station and Houston, squeezing in as many hugs and "howdies" as possible.

Last Christmas when Darren's sister, Svenja, asked him to present her Texas Aggie ring to her this spring, we knew we would be making a trip to one of our favorite places. Fortunately, her ring day lined up on the same weekend as our one year anniversary, so we were able to celebrate two events in one trip.

As you may imagine, a trip back to College Station is quite exciting for us...I personally haven't been back since Darren graduated in December 2011. Immediately following our flight/hotel/rental car booking, I proceeded to draw up a list of places I wanted to visit while in the great state of Texas. I included our Texas to-do list at the end of this entry :)

We decided to fly out of St. Louis on Thursday morning in order to make it to CS in time for AFC devo (this is the Aggies for Christ on-campus worship at night that I've written about before). Weekly Thursday night devo was a huge part of our lives while at A&M, and I hadn't been to one since my last devo prior to graduation in May 2011.  Needless to say, it was extremely powerful to be sitting under the stars, singing 4-part harmony with 100+ Aggie students. I am so proud of AFC for continuing to be a place of love, support, encouragement, and family for students during their time at A&M. It was a huge blessing to witness it again, not to mention all of the much-needed hugs from faraway friends that I haven't seen in so long (you know who you are!).

Friday morning brought some free time during which Darren and I visited the newly-renovated Memorial Student Center (MSC). I was very impressed by how they maintained the general spirit of the original building (untouched flagroom) while updating it to meet the needs of today's students (more food options, game room downstairs, etc). While we were there, we visited the Aggie Moms' Boutique. Of course, we had to pick out a few items for our home (we decorate in A&M things for fall football season).

After our morning adventures, it was time for the ring day festivities. Svenja is earning her bachelor's degree in education and will graduate next May. However, when an Aggie has earned 90 credit hours toward their degree, they are deemed a "senior" and presented with the most desirable object in Aggieland: an Aggie ring. It is tradition to have a family member or someone who inspired or helped you achieve this goal present your ring to you, and Darren was honored to do so for Svenja. We are so proud of her for all of her hard work and can't wait to watch her walk the stage when she earns her diploma next spring!

Here are a few snapshots from the ring ceremony:

Darren's family came to support her, and it was great to see and catch up with them as well. We haven't been in Texas since Christmas, so getting some hugs and spending quality time with family was a pleasure.

Svenja's roommates, Lauren and Erin, also earned their rings and decided to throw a Ring Dunk at the church together with some other friends. Congratulations goes to each of you!! Darren and I were glad to be back in the land of A&M pitchers full of ice tea being gulped down by hopeful seniors... And of course, since we were in the land of college students where nobody goes to bed before 11pm, following the ring dunk, we visited with Alex and Kelsey (college friends) at one of my favorite coffee shops in CS: Sweet Eugene's!

On Saturday morning, Darren and I hit the road to start our adventure in Houston. Before leaving town, however, we stopped into Shipley's to get our favorite donuts (donut holes for me and Bavarian creme-filled for him) since STL doesn't have donut shops.  Well, let me clarify, STL has Dunkin Donuts but no little mom & pop donut shops that are fresh and super cheap. We also stopped during the drive to take some pictures in the beautiful Texas bluebonnets (and even caught some Indian Paintbrushes) before hitting the outlet mall in Cypress.

Upon arrival in Houston, we met up with Nick and Katie (my college roommate) for lunch & then some fun play in the park time with the newest member of their family, Meeka. It was so lovely to catch up with them and hear about their adventures now that Nick has a position as a Youth Minister and Katie is working as an Occupational Therapist. It's so crazy to think that my friends have real adult jobs and are doing so well!

After briefly checking into the hotel, Darren and I drove down to the NASA Space Center to meet Robert and Tessa (Robert was one of Darren's roommates and my classmate in BMEN). We explored NASA for a while and then took the world's longest tour of some of the facilities. After taking twice as long as it should have, we were all hungry and decided to eat at a hole in the wall Italian place after a failed attempt at trying to find parking at Kemah.

On Sunday, we slept in before checking out of the hotel and visiting the Water Wall near the Galleria. Then we decided to shop at one of our most favorite places: Ikea!! Although we couldn't bring back any furniture with us (our suitcases were already full to the brim and, last I checked, lamps aren't allowed as carry-ons), we enjoyed playing house as we explored the store. We had an Ikea up in Dallas that would serve as a great cheap date location (typically walk away with <$20 in purchases and normally spend ~2 hours wandering around). STL has not built an Ikea yet, and so far the closest one is in Chicago.  We look forward to a Chicago weekend trip during which we will visit Ikea, but that one's not planned yet so we decided to check out the Swedish playground while we could.

Finally, we had our official anniversary meal at the Cheesecake Factory and celebrated with a red velvet cheesecake (our frozen wedding cake is still in Dallas...unless mom fed it to the cat).

All in all, we had a fantastic time.  Our trip was the perfect blend of scheduled outings and free time to explore some places we'd always talked about going but never had.  We are extremely grateful to everyone who made the effort to visit with us, whether just meeting at devo or planning a get together.  Although we are very happy in STL, we still occasionally get homesick for the places where we grew up and the people that love us.  Trips like this make it easier on those days where it's tempting to get lonely.

Here's the promised list of what we wanted to accomplish (and did!):

Texas To-Do List:
1. Whataburger (on the road to CS)
2. See the new MSC
3. Buy Aggie decor at the Aggie Mom's Boutique
4. Blue Baker (with the Cannons before the Ring Dunk)
5. Drink a mocha at Sweet Eugene's
6. Shipley's
7. Take bluebonnet pictures
8. Shop in the Cypress Outlet mall
9. See NASA
10. Visit the Water Wall
11. Shop at IKEA

Thanks to everyone who helped encourage us during this last year, our first year of marriage. It surely hasn't been easy, starting with Darren's move to STL and us learning how to live together. Then we began to realize how much we needed each other, and have been adjusting to jobs and the city all at once. I had no idea how much getting married would change our relationship and I didn't expect to come to need and rely on another person like I do with Darren.  God truly blessed me with a loving husband, and He continues to show us what true love and marriage means. One year down, decades to go!

Happiness is...

sipping on a warm cup of coffee within the yellow glow of the Saturday morning sun while snuggled up with  my purring cat under the handmade blanket my grandmother gave me.  

Happiness is finding peace in little moments, and letting their influence take over my entire thoughts, closing my mind to ever-present doubt and hurt and disappointment.

Happiness is taking the simple things in life, such as a date to the movies, and turning them into memories that I know I will treasure in the future when circumstances change as life progresses.

Last week, I officially said goodbye to my Great Grandmother.  Her funeral was a beautiful ceremony of remembrance of her life; most of what was read was written in her own words, which made it that much more special.  My sister read her memoir, my cousin read her Rosie the Riveter story, and I was asked to read my last blog post.  It was truly a testament to the spirit that Florence embodied, and I was honored to be part of it.

Her daffodils, among other flowers, were very important to her. These are at the footsteps of her birthplace, the Lock House in Havre de Grace, MD

We stayed in her home, slept on her bed, ate the food in her pantry, and used her toiletries.  It was like a normal visit, only this time she wasn't there.... but then again, as we sifted through countless photographs, letters, report cards, boxes of treasures, clothing, office supplies, etc, we began to learn more and more about our matriarch.  I learned the depth of her love for writing and receiving letters (which she surely passed on to me).  My cousin learned the extent to which she kept track of our family history, and how we are linked all the way to the American Revolution.  My sister learned the history and use behind multiple items in her jewelry box, and innovated new ways to incorporate them into her own fashion.  My mother learned how she fared in school through report cards and yearbooks.  My grandmother learned how important her plants were to her, especially a special tree planted just outside her back window.  Together, we cried through the loss and laughed through the newly-appreciated quirks she had. As a group, we all began to realize the pieces of her that we had already become without even realizing it. In our own individual ways, we are all little Florences.

A view of her home from her mailbox

Morgan's drawing of a picture taken of her at age 18, set up at her funeral

One of the many bows tied to her special tree outside her home

Amanda and Morgan taking in the view from the rock on the river where our grandmother learned to swim

Amanda and my mom looking through the photos found in the "treasure box"

My mom mom, Rita, and mother, Shirley

My sister, Morgan, and cousin, Amanda

Side note to Mom Mom, Mom, Mandi, and Morgan:  I just cleared my throat, and I promise it wasn't on purpose. She's watching me write this, I can feel it.

Near the end of our visit, we stumbled across a handwritten journal documenting her visit to Texas in 2005.  You see, each year she would come to Texas for a month at a time and spend quality time with all of us.  We all treasured those visits, for we knew that someday they would stop.  In this journal were 52 full pages documenting her travels, experiences, thoughts, and even flashbacks to earlier times in her life.  I would not trade these pages for anything in the world.

I made 4 copies of this journal so that each of us could take one and read it on the plane (we were all going our separate directions).  Little did I know just how much more I would learn about her, and in turn about myself.

Apart from the adorable phrases and constant desire to be accomplishing tasks (laundry, dishes, penny sorting, etc), she continually talked about enjoying life. Enjoying sunshine. Wind. The sound of the ducks in the yard. Seeing the cow come close to the fence.  Planting flowers.  Fixing supper.  Crocheting a square. This woman found the key to happiness. 

You see, she didn't take a moment or a breath for granted.  She was thankful for her life, even in the ins and outs of what would seem like a dull existence full of monotony.  She would take simple things, like a trip to town to get prescriptions at Walmart and groceries at McNews, and make them special.  Special enough to document in a handwritten journal.  

So here is the first lesson I am taking away from this: happiness is up to you.  You may think your life is boring, or sad, or tough.  But if you choose to look at it with a grateful heart and a positive attitude, you can treasure the simple and savor memories and experiences in your heart. 

I dealt with this a lot last summer because Darren and I were utterly alone.  I felt like we had no friends but each other, and we were boring and lonely.  But, looking back on it, we found so many things to do around town and established so many rituals in our home that I now wouldn't trade for the world.  I get excited to sit down and work out our budget. I'm fidgeting to get moving on spring cleaning.  I watch the weather closely for a time when I can plant us a little garden. I'm anxious for the first time we go play racquetball in the park.  I can't wait to pack a dinner and wait for the free seats at the Muny. I'm counting down the days until our first trip to Six Flags.

These are our ins and outs, our dishes and laundry and ducks.  We have to take what appears to be boring and simple and make them special.  

To be completely honest, I'm realizing that I won't have a happy, healthy partner who can spend all of this quality time with me forever.  One day, we'll have kids and our lives will be dictated by their needs.  We will find new rituals and things to make special, don't get me wrong, but it won't be these.  At some point, one or both of us will probably begin to have health problems that will prevent us from being able to do everything that we want to do.  We may have to move to a different place for jobs.  Who knows what life will bring our way, both good and bad... the only thing guaranteed is change, and it's coming.

So, happiness is upon us. Happiness is the ability to find joy in this time of our lives, with the income we have, with the people we know, with the location we're in, and with the experiences upon us.

I am so thankful for Florence's continued influence in my life...and I look forward to the next lesson she brings to me.

Florence Little

How do I begin?



There is nothing quite like the sting of loss; no other feeling to even remotely capture the heartache that it brings.  Even forewarned, death steals its victims and leaves those remaining stunned and numb.  We knew her days were numbered, and we knew she hadn't been herself in a long time.  She was ready to go.


I cannot even begin to tell you how highly I esteemed my great grandmother.  She was 90 years and 130 pounds of proud, powerful, faithful spunk.  For years she has been fighting her decaying body, and for years she has told the doctors what will and will not happen to her.  They told her they had to amputate her foot and that she would never walk again; she refused and was walking in what seemed like no time at all.  They told us after her stroke that she may never be able to form complete sentences again; she could carry on full, although limited, conversations a few short months later.  She never gave up for her family and, at the end, for herself.

She was my hero. No. She is my hero.


It's funny how the Holy Spirit moves within us on the day that a loved one departs.  I knew it this morning, but I didn't realize I knew it until after it happened.  When my Aunt Karen passed away suddenly in a car accident, I knew something was off that day.  It's like a piece of my heart had already started to break. Today was like that, and I barely held it together all morning....  All day I couldn't explain why I felt the need to run home and hide.

Grand Mom Mom went home to be with her Savior, her parents, her siblings, her friends, her son, her granddaughter, and many others that she truly loved.  I know that when heaven's gates swung wide open for her, she had an army ready to welcome her in and she found indescribable peace.  I know that heaven rejoiced in adding such an amazing new saint into their number.  And as strange as it sounds, I feel like her spirit is sitting here, watching me blubber through this, trying to tell me that she's found such great joy and to stop crying for her.

I know, very soon, I will be able to rejoice in remembering the amazing life that she lived.  I will share stories and pictures and maybe even videos (if I can) of her and you will fall in love with her as much as I have. Soon, I will celebrate her immense joy now that she is without pain and surrounded by those she hasn't seen in years. Soon.

But tonight, I cry. No, I weep. I weep surrounded by my pile of tissues and snuggled up next to my purring cat who is wondering what is wrong with me.  I weep selfishly, knowing that never again will I get to hug the woman who always represented to me who I should aim to be.  I weep because I didn't take the time to go see her when her health really started to deteriorate.  I weep because now it's up to me to make sure that I follow her example.

Gran Mom Mom, I adore you. I am so happy that you have finished the race.  I pray to someday be  able to be half the woman you have been during your time on this earth.  I love you.

"SB 2K13"

St. Patrick's Day -themed font!

Not that I actually get spring breaks anymore, this week I was able to attend my last round of training for work in Irvine, CA.  Situated just behind a curtain of small mountains, Irvine is almost on the coastline near LA.  Having never been to southern California (or the Pacific Ocean for that matter), I was pretty excited at the prospect of spending 5 days studying near the ocean.

This last round of training incorporated the final skills required for me to be a full "hybrid."  I learned techniques to use timing and voltages of the electrical signals in the heart to make a detailed map of the arrhythmia in the heart chamber of interest.  Here's a quick snapshot of one of the maps I made, if you're interested.  

Not only does this require a full understanding of the minutia within the anatomy, but also the electrical conduction system and its deviations in abnormal hearts.  Now that I've finished my last set of classes, I have about 60 days to become fully certified to do cardiac ablation mapping procedures on my own.  

Enough about work.  I flew into Orange County on Sunday evening, and my lovely friend Bonnie picked me up from the airport, birthday cupcake complete with a lit candle in hand.  We decided that since it was St. Patrick's Day, we should hit a few fun spots around town before checking into the hotel.  Needless to say, read yelp reviews carefully.

Bonnie and I stopped at an Irish pub and made up our own rules to darts-and ended up tying!

The first few days of class were pretty normal; we were at the office from 8-5 and had a few assignments and quizzes tossed in to review during the evenings.  I enjoyed seeing some classmates from previous courses as well as making new friends (there were only around 12 of us). 

On Wednesday, I had the fortunate pleasure of getting to see my favorite (girl) cousin, Amanda.  She moved to CA late last year and I hadn't seen her since she came to visit Darren and me last summer in St. Louis.  Amanda picked me up and took me to one of her most favorite places in the area, Huntington Beach.  We drove down the "PCH" (Pacific Coastal Highway) and I got my first glimpse at the ocean.  After catching up over a yummy Italian meal, we stopped at one of her favorite little souvenir shops for me to pick out a little gift for Darren (poor guy, being stuck with Lenny all week).  It was so lovely to get to see family, and especially Amanda since we both just celebrated birthdays.

As it was our last night in CA, a group of classmates and I decided to go to Laguna Beach at sunset and then eat in a restaurant with an ocean view.  I was very surprised by how chilly the beach was...being from Texas where the Gulf is rather warm, I guess I expected Southern CA to be the same.  Despite the cold, I rolled up my jeans and kicked off my sandals in order to feel my toes in the sand as the waves crashed over them.  I took a few moments to breathe in the salty air and even tried to call Darren so he could hear the ocean (I don't think it worked very well).  Here are a few pictures I took on the beach.  

Friday morning brought our final exam and practicals, which were no trouble at all.  A quick goodbye and trip to the airport and I was ready to be back in St. Louis...that is, until I read on my weather app that we're expecting 5-8 INCHES OF SNOW THIS WEEKEND. When is it going to end?! Be ready for more "I can't believe it's this white" pictures very soon....

To change subjects, thank you so much to all of you who wished me a happy birthday!  Physical distance doesn't feel so far when people like you take the time to make me feel special.  I got some very sweet cards in the mail, and I wanted to let you know they are very appreciated as each one felt like a nice little hug. 

Darren and I celebrated my birthday and St. Patrick's Day by baking some very green cake items. If you would like the recipes, I'd be happy to share. Both the cake balls and the cake itself were quite delicious (all stemming from a green velvet cake recipe).

I also wanted to include in here what one person in particular did to make my day special.  Way back when I started with St. Jude in STL, a lovely lady named Pam introduced herself to me as a fellow St. Jude employee in the cardiovascular division.  Very quickly, we become friends and bonded over our common faith.  It is Pam's church that Darren and I have been attending and really like, and Pam was instrumental in getting us involved there.  Well, on Sunday morning after class Pam gave me a "birthday in a bag," trying to help me have a wonderful birthday despite the fact that I am so far away from family.  How unbelievably kind.  I am truly blessed by those around me and I just wanted to share how wonderful she was to me. 

All in all, I've had a great week. I'm finally sitting on my couch, waiting for my wonderful husband to come home from work.  I was only gone 5 days, but there's something about being married that makes you want to stay with that special person you've grown so comfortable with... he's on his way home, and I can't wait to see him :)