Happiness is finding peace in little moments, and letting their influence take over my entire thoughts, closing my mind to ever-present doubt and hurt and disappointment.
Happiness is taking the simple things in life, such as a date to the movies, and turning them into memories that I know I will treasure in the future when circumstances change as life progresses.
Last week, I officially said goodbye to my Great Grandmother. Her funeral was a beautiful ceremony of remembrance of her life; most of what was read was written in her own words, which made it that much more special. My sister read her memoir, my cousin read her Rosie the Riveter story, and I was asked to read my last blog post. It was truly a testament to the spirit that Florence embodied, and I was honored to be part of it.
Her daffodils, among other flowers, were very important to her. These are at the footsteps of her birthplace, the Lock House in Havre de Grace, MD
We stayed in her home, slept on her bed, ate the food in her pantry, and used her toiletries. It was like a normal visit, only this time she wasn't there.... but then again, as we sifted through countless photographs, letters, report cards, boxes of treasures, clothing, office supplies, etc, we began to learn more and more about our matriarch. I learned the depth of her love for writing and receiving letters (which she surely passed on to me). My cousin learned the extent to which she kept track of our family history, and how we are linked all the way to the American Revolution. My sister learned the history and use behind multiple items in her jewelry box, and innovated new ways to incorporate them into her own fashion. My mother learned how she fared in school through report cards and yearbooks. My grandmother learned how important her plants were to her, especially a special tree planted just outside her back window. Together, we cried through the loss and laughed through the newly-appreciated quirks she had. As a group, we all began to realize the pieces of her that we had already become without even realizing it. In our own individual ways, we are all little Florences.
A view of her home from her mailbox
Morgan's drawing of a picture taken of her at age 18, set up at her funeral
One of the many bows tied to her special tree outside her home
Amanda and Morgan taking in the view from the rock on the river where our grandmother learned to swim
Amanda and my mom looking through the photos found in the "treasure box"
My mom mom, Rita, and mother, Shirley
My sister, Morgan, and cousin, Amanda
Side note to Mom Mom, Mom, Mandi, and Morgan: I just cleared my throat, and I promise it wasn't on purpose. She's watching me write this, I can feel it.
Near the end of our visit, we stumbled across a handwritten journal documenting her visit to Texas in 2005. You see, each year she would come to Texas for a month at a time and spend quality time with all of us. We all treasured those visits, for we knew that someday they would stop. In this journal were 52 full pages documenting her travels, experiences, thoughts, and even flashbacks to earlier times in her life. I would not trade these pages for anything in the world.
I made 4 copies of this journal so that each of us could take one and read it on the plane (we were all going our separate directions). Little did I know just how much more I would learn about her, and in turn about myself.
Apart from the adorable phrases and constant desire to be accomplishing tasks (laundry, dishes, penny sorting, etc), she continually talked about enjoying life. Enjoying sunshine. Wind. The sound of the ducks in the yard. Seeing the cow come close to the fence. Planting flowers. Fixing supper. Crocheting a square. This woman found the key to happiness.
You see, she didn't take a moment or a breath for granted. She was thankful for her life, even in the ins and outs of what would seem like a dull existence full of monotony. She would take simple things, like a trip to town to get prescriptions at Walmart and groceries at McNews, and make them special. Special enough to document in a handwritten journal.
So here is the first lesson I am taking away from this: happiness is up to you. You may think your life is boring, or sad, or tough. But if you choose to look at it with a grateful heart and a positive attitude, you can treasure the simple and savor memories and experiences in your heart.
I dealt with this a lot last summer because Darren and I were utterly alone. I felt like we had no friends but each other, and we were boring and lonely. But, looking back on it, we found so many things to do around town and established so many rituals in our home that I now wouldn't trade for the world. I get excited to sit down and work out our budget. I'm fidgeting to get moving on spring cleaning. I watch the weather closely for a time when I can plant us a little garden. I'm anxious for the first time we go play racquetball in the park. I can't wait to pack a dinner and wait for the free seats at the Muny. I'm counting down the days until our first trip to Six Flags.
These are our ins and outs, our dishes and laundry and ducks. We have to take what appears to be boring and simple and make them special.
To be completely honest, I'm realizing that I won't have a happy, healthy partner who can spend all of this quality time with me forever. One day, we'll have kids and our lives will be dictated by their needs. We will find new rituals and things to make special, don't get me wrong, but it won't be these. At some point, one or both of us will probably begin to have health problems that will prevent us from being able to do everything that we want to do. We may have to move to a different place for jobs. Who knows what life will bring our way, both good and bad... the only thing guaranteed is change, and it's coming.
So, happiness is upon us. Happiness is the ability to find joy in this time of our lives, with the income we have, with the people we know, with the location we're in, and with the experiences upon us.
I am so thankful for Florence's continued influence in my life...and I look forward to the next lesson she brings to me.
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