Keeping up or jumping ahead?

Ok, I am going to be pretty honest here for just a few minutes.

I'm a dreamer.  I'm ambitious, I'm determined, and I like to dream big.  That means I jump head-first into challenges like earning a degree in Biomedical Engineering and winning my dream job right out of college.  It also means that I have these grandiose visions for my life, my marriage, and my home that, well, aren't always exactly obtainable.

My mom taught me a long time ago that where you set your expectations can highly influence your happiness.  For example, if you expect your boyfriend/husband to bring you flowers on a bi-monthly basis (doesn't sound like it's asking too much, right?), you will be disappointed in him when it doesn't happen.  However, if you realize that buying flowers is not something you are ever going to get him to do and therefore do not expect him to do it, on the rare occasion that he does bring you those flowers, you will be thrilled!

Now, apply that to real life here for a second.  If you expect to have a full blown career right from the get-go with yearly promotions that allow you to buy a new car, put a down payment on a house, have the perfect church to attend, always have something fun, unique, and super interesting to do on date nights, you will be disappointed.

I learn this lesson over and over again.

Why? I ask myself this, and I think I've come up with some reasons.

First of all, I'm new to adulthood.  Yes, I've been living in the zip code of post-college life for a while now, but I'm still learning my way around.  I've figured out quite a few things on my own (bills, car repairs, insurance choices, 401k options, etc), but heaven knows I can't even begin to touch the subject of mutual funds or gap insurance yet (I'm on my way there though!).  That being said, the examples of adults that I have before me aren't new to adulthood.  My parents and family friends are well-established in their careers and have worked hard for decades to build the adulthood dynasty that I am so used to.  They started somewhere too, though!

My second reason: social networking.  I'm not the first person to point it out, but we have to be honest with ourselves: everyone puts up a very positive side of his or her life on Facebook.  I literally unfriend people who frequently complain or post negative things all the time because, let's face it, I don't really want to be stressed out by the fact that you can't get your life together... So, what we have is an overwhelming congregation of people I know looking their best, having what seems like the best time, wearing the best clothes with the best hair, hanging out with the best people, updating statuses to the best witty thing they can come up with.  I'm guilty of it; we all do it.  Why on earth would I post an unflattering picture of myself or tell you that, hey, I messed up big time at work the other day?

It isn't just the fact that a large majority of what I see on Facebook of the people I know is all positive, if that were the case then we would all just be one big happy family and I wouldn't be writing this.  No, it's the fact that I compare myself to them.  Back before Darren and I were engaged, I got jealous when friends of ours would get engaged, especially if they had been dating for a shorter amount of time than we had. Um, hello, how ridiculous is that?! What on earth does their relationship have to do with mine?? After the rounds of engagements came the engagement photos (wow I wish I looked that pretty in mine, man those props are cuter than ours, yadda yadda yadda).  Then of course, there were the weddings (why didn't I think to get a such and such or serve this blah blah blah).  Now it's the houses and the babies (why can't we afford to put a down payment on a house, man I wish it was our turn to have a cute little cuddly sleeping infant).

So, first Facebook, then Pinterest.  Now don't get me wrong, I am a huge fan of Pinterest.  I use it as my personal reference guide of how-to's and an idea board of gifts and projects and things to do. It's extremely useful and very addicting.  But, of course, then comes the comparison part of me that negatively thinks that I could never afford to have a home like that or that I am not talented enough to ever create something as amazing as this.  Goodness gracious! How stinking ridiculous.

The fact of the matter is, every time I see a house for sale with the little flyers out front, I swing by and pick one up.  Can we afford a house? No.  Are we at a place in our lives where we should be buying retail in St. Louis? No.  Do we even really want to start thinking about such a commitment right now? No.  But, because I am always trying to keep up with the Joneses in my head, this is what I do.

Which brings me to my final point.... these illusive Joneses in my head that I'm trying to keep up with are well beyond where I am in life right now.  I am not a 30+ year old with an established career and years of experience of adulthood and savings and maturity stacked up behind me.  I'm 24, I've only been married a year, and I have so much still to learn.

When I think about it that way, I wouldn't be keeping up if I made all these big life changes, I would be jumping ahead.  Even though I wanted to get engaged sooner than we did, the time was perfect when Darren asked me on NYE of 2010. I didn't want to wait 16 months after that to get married, but we couldn't have picked a better day, place, or time of year to say, "I do."  When the timing is right, Darren and I will buy a house that is a good fit for us in the place where we need to be.  And, later on, God will bless us with our first kiddo once we are a few more years into marriage so we have a strong foundation to work from.

Just a little lesson that I have to reteach myself every now and again that I wanted to share...





As a side note, all of these lovely Blog facelift changes have been done by my sorta sister-in-law Krista Cannon (I say that because she is Darren's brother's wife so technically we aren't sister-in-laws but who cares about technicalities!). Thank you so much, Krista, for finally helping my blog fit my personality!