It's funny how some days I feel like things haven't changed a bit. Like when I fly back to Texas and stand with 80,000 of my closest friends and yell for my favorite football team. Or when I hug the necks of 50 AFCers at ring dunks and celebrate their great accomplishments. Or when I hold Darren's hand during what is probably the thousandth church service we have attended together.
But then there are days like today; days when there are no Aggie yells, no AFC hugs, no hand squeezes from the man I love. Days when I look out the window and wonder how on earth I ended up what seems to be halfway across the world from every thing and every one I know.
I'm not sure if it's the daunting task of facing 6 weeks in a row without a visitor or a trip to Texas. It could be the fact that the weather is turning and I am literally afraid of the winter to come. Most likely it is because I am low on sleep and high on requirements. At least that's what my mother thinks.
I will tell you one thing, having Darren call me into AFC devo on Thursday nights was probably the best idea I've had since moving to St. Louis. As most of you know, I spent almost every Thursday night of my entire college career sitting under the stars on the steps of the Academic building praising God with around 100 other AFCers. This was something that my mother treasured when she went to A&M and, in time, it became a source of encouragement that I, too, sought each week.
Do you ever think about the words you're singing while you're in church or at devo? I know for us Church of Christers there's a lot of focus on the four-part harmony and making sure everything sounds beautiful (remind you of a skit?), but when was the last time you took a song and pulled it apart, word by word? Tonight it was "Thank You, Lord". This song has never really been all that special to me and I'm not sure why. Sure, it's got a fun little tune and the rhythms are interesting, but I always thought it was kind of simple and didn't pay all that much attention to it. Well, tonight while I was singing along with my phone on speaker (my end on mute of course), I focused in on one phrase of that song:
All that You've done and all that You are is all that has carried me through, my Jesus I thank You.
Read that a few times. Maybe some of you have never really had anything in your life that has challenged you. No big changes, no tough situations, no losses or struggles. But, if I had to guess, a lot of you have. Some of you know the deeper things that I've got going on in my life right now, and some of you probably think this is just me whining about moving away (big deal, get over it, etc). Whether or not you know why this struck me doesn't really matter. I just wanted to share something that gave me a little bit more hope than I had yesterday so that maybe the next time you're facing something that you think is bigger than what you can handle, you will remember this part of one song that I happened to catch during a devo I luckily was able to listen in on during one random Thursday in September. I know that the next time I screw up on the job then come home to find that Leonard has once again knocked over the trash can and oh, by the way, there are 4 more bills that need to be paid and there are 50 more days until I get to hug somebody who loves me I will think about the sacrifice that Christ made and how He has this whole thing figured out and is standing right beside me when I need Him.
It doesn't matter that I will not interact with a single human being this weekend except for when I go to church on Sunday. It doesn't matter that I have to cook for one and eat three meals a day by myself. It doesn't matter that I will go 7 months before I get see my home sweet home in Sachse, Texas. What matters is the sacrifice that Christ made on that cross. He had a plan for me then and has a plan for me now. Heavens knows I have no idea what that plan is because you better bet your life I would NOT have planned this little excursion to the Midwest. But the plan is in motion and I have to stop fighting against it so I can start fulfilling whatever it is He has called me to do.
I don't know if a single person will get anything good out of all that gibberish I just typed out, but it makes me feel better writing about it.
Onto an actual update.
Since the last time I wrote, my mother and Kacey came to visit me. We had a whirlwind weekend of car and wedding dress shopping, both of which were purchased within about a 5 hour time span on Saturday. Let's just say I had a little trouble falling asleep on Saturday night after knowing how much money I had spent/committed to spending. But, I LOVE my car and am very excited about altering my dress to perfection.
A week later I left for my Low Voltage Phase II (Bradycardia) training in Austin. I spent the weekend in College Station (toured the new Biomed building, saw Contagion, ate at Blue Baker) and then joined my intern class for a fun-filled week (ha) of timing cycles and algorithms. After passing the final and wasting 3 hours learning about my "personality" from a test, I was picked up and sped to College Station by a friend so that I could go with Darren to get his Aggie Ring!!! His little ring made of gold is about three times the size of mine and the whole experience was very exciting. There really is nothing quite like Aggieland and our traditions. I went to some ring dunks and saw some of my very best friends (all of whom I miss dearly), then got to go to Yell Practice! Even though I decided midnight yell should be nine-o-clock yell because I was falling asleep on the drive there, I absolutely loved being back in Kyle Field and kissing the only date I've ever had to Yell when the lights went down. Saturday Darren and I enjoyed lunch with the Days before heading to the game. Then we BTHO Idaho (not without some coaching input from me of course). Sunday brought church in the morning and then the dreaded afternoon of goodbyes followed by a series of flights.
Now that I'm back in St. Louis, I have to complete 5 implants and 5 patient checks on brady devices to become certified. I also have to do all of the modules for the next phase of training (tachycardia). Then I'll head to Texas on November 12 for another exciting round of CS visits and Austin training. Oh, and a little game between the Fightin' Texas Aggies and some orange school who thinks they deserve their own network. Psh.
Pictures to come!!! I just haven't uploaded them yet.
Love and blessings,
Brooke
